Experiencing Life with ADD
Going through life with ADD is like experiencing every moment through the lens of a video camera operated by a 5-year old.
That is the only way I can describe it to someone who does not have ADD.
Imagine going through your day trying to focus on a task, but looking through a camera that is constantly focusing on other things in the room. That’s what it’s like. You constantly struggle to keep the camera focused on the task at hand, and you fight the urge to move it.
The truth is my brain makes connections at warp speed, which makes me very good at what I do in my day job, but makes it extremely difficult for me to focus on any one thing for any length of time.
According to Dr. Daniel Amen, ADD is the result of an understimulated prefrontal cortex. This is the area of the brain responsible for sending inhibitory signals to other parts of the brain to settle down. If it were the video camera it would be the stabilizer feature and the tri-pod all in one.
I have tried many of the ADD drugs on the market.
The Amphetamine Group: Ritalin, Adderall, Focalin, Vyvanse, Daytrana. These drugs stimulate the prefrontal cortex, which helps you focus, however, they are stimulants so the side effects can be feeling jittery and having horrible insomnia. Vyvanse turned me into a hyper focused, anti-social robot. I also think there’s a connection between Vyvanse and my frozen shoulder that is now finally healed after 18 months.
The one non-stimulant ADD drug: Strattera. I tried this one for five days and it made me so tired that I could barely function. However, it is the only thing I’ve tried that actually gave me a glimpse into the life of a person without ADD. I felt a little bit like a Stepford Wife when I was on Strattera, but damn my house was starting to get organized! However, I felt like this drug dumbed-down my IQ by 20 points. This drug is also hella expensive if you don’t have insurance.
A non-ADD drug: Wellbutrin. This drug is often prescribed for mild depression, PMS, and for people who want to quit smoking. It is fairly mild, and makes you feel like you’re wearing rose-colored glasses. I am pretty sure there’s a connection between mild depression and ADD. The two generally go hand-in-hand because the constant sense of frustration that ADD people feel can lead to depression. Just my armchair analysis.
The problem with any drug is they all have side effects. I’m not talking about the medical side effects. I’m talking about the fact that they alter your personality. Every one of them made me feel like a less-creative version of myself. In fact I couldn’t have written the first sentence of this blog had I been on Strattera or Wellbutrin. I found that both of those drugs created too much space between my thoughts, thereby, preventing the creative connections I took for granted. It was like having a wet blanket on my wit!
I am constantly looking for alternatives to the daily struggle of being ADD. L-Tryptophan is next on my list of things to try. But until then I will continue to be the creative, moody ADD bitch you have all come to know and love. :^)
Depression is to be expected when we fight our talents. Society would not be able to function if ADD were absent. We are the ones who see the big picture, who put all the little pieces together, who do things 99.99% of society considers to be impossible. Why the hell would you want to try to suppress ADD?
There’s a good reason you find so many things boring. For someone of your talents, those things ARE boring. No doctor is going to tell you to be thankful for what you’ve got because doctors make their livings selling drugs you don’t need. Take it from someone who has been there, your prefrontal lobe will get all the stimulation it requires naturally when your rudder is headed in the right direction.
Consider it to be the world’s best guidance system: it automatically keeps changing direction until it finds the thing you’re supposed to be doing and zeroes in it. Months, years or maybe even decades may pass before you realize why that thing was so important, but you’ll be glad you didn’t suppress it with drugs when you get there.
Zephram,
That is so true. Many geniuses in the world would be considered ADD. I sometimes think the higher the IQ, the more issues you may have fitting into the norm. Look at John Forbes Nash (A Beautiful Mind). Genius, but living with paranoid schizophrenia. I doubt he would have been able to accomplish what he did had he been medicated from childhood on.